My Journey from Wicca to Truth – Pt. 2

Searching for God

 

I was seriously self-destructive from the age of 13 until my early twenties.  I was drawn to spiritual books, hauntings, ghosts, supernatural things from the time I could remember.  I loved horror and supernatural movies.  My mom would try to discourage me but I would stay up late at night and read/watch these types of material when she wasn’t around or able to intervene.

When I was 17, I moved out of my parents home which was a prison of emotional and physical abuse.  I moved to St. Petersburg, FL to live with my childhood friends.

It was at this time that I began working at a local pet supply store and my life began to move in, what would seem, a more positive direction.  I very much enjoyed my job, and my personal life was taking off with friends, boyfriends, parties, etc.  I didn’t think much of God during this time.  He was the furthest thing from my mind.

After a couple of years, I decided that I wanted to move back to Tampa, my friends began getting married, having babies, and moving in with boyfriends and I wanted to get own life set.  So I reluctantly moved back home.

It was this time that I transferred from the St. Pete store to the Tampa store to continue my career with the same pet supply store.  When I came on board I met a girl about my age who was very dark.  I wanted to be accepted by her so I started hanging out with her and came to know an older woman who she frequently visited and was very mysterious.  She was a Native American third generation Shaman.  I was fascinated by her.  When I met her, she told me secrets about myself upon introduction that I had never shared with her or my friend.  I wanted to learn to be a part of this “power”.  So we started visiting her more often.  I was entranced by her.  I remember one day, she told me that I had a demon following me and she no longer wanted me to visit.  It totally freaked me out and I never asked to go back.

Soon after that, my friend and I had a falling out and I was left picking up my “spiritual pieces” by myself.  I started reading books about magic and shaman practices on my own and fumbling around with things.

You see, the devil had me interested.  I know that may seem like a strong statement….

You think the devil cares about what you are doing???

No I don’t think he gives a hoot about me but there is one thing on his mind…..

HURTING GOD.

8Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 9Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sistersb all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.”

– 1 Peter 5:8 (NLT)

IF he can hurt God, now that is something to focus on.  And the only thing that the Devil can do to hurt God……is to steal God’s children from Him.  You see, God’s love does not come from oppression.  We are free to choose to love Him or not to love Him.

That my friends, is true freedom…..

Enter into my life, Mike and David.  I fell in love with them almost immediately.  They were funny, full of joy, accepted me for me,

and they were Wiccan.

I wanted to learn.  I believed there was a God, I believed that there were many ways to Heaven and Wicca sounded just like what I was looking for.  I could do whatever I wanted in my life, as long as it didn’t hurt another person.

THAT.

SOUNDED.

PERFECT.

……..Or did it?

 

 

 

 

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Oh, no. To live….to live would be an awfully big adventure! – Peter Banning, “Hook”

Last night, as I was working through all my “bad day issues”, I finally crawled into bed, pulled out my tablet to read the news, my daily scripture, etc…..and there I sat in complete sadness as I read that one of my favorite actors decided that hope had escaped him and life was not worth the hassle. As a child, I grew up watching Mork & Mindy, as a young adult watched Mrs. Doubtfire on the bigscreen, as an older adult laughed while I watched Robin Williams make 100’s laugh on his stand-up specials.  He truly traversed my entire life on the screen of TV and movie theaters.  I loved Robin Williams.  Well, I didn’t know Robin Williams but I loved the persona that was expressed publicly by Robin Williams.

Again, as I did with the untimely death of what seems to be so many in the spotlight over the years, I realized humbly that Robin William’s eternal story, his choice, is now made.  It is sealed, his opportunity to choose has passed.  I don’t claim to know his heart.  I do not know if he believed in God and more importantly his savior or not, this post is more about the realization that what appears to be “perfect” on the outside is not always what is going on…on the inside.  

Now I didn’t have an opportunity to touch or encourage Robin, I am sure his closest friends did the best they could…but I do have the opportunity and the RESPONSIBILITY to talk to, encourage, and offer the HOPE I know to be true to those I do come in contact with everyday.  If only for 5 seconds at the check out counter or those I have known for years.

You see, what if, no one ever shared the Gospel with Robin?  What if, his friends went by day to day and NEVER had the courage to share something that may have given him HOPE and he COULD have persevered over whatever was the straw hanging over the camel’s back?  As Christians, we are given the great commission to go out and share the Gospel, “the Good News”, not so that we can “win” people over to our team and steal from another’s team but so that those we share it with are TRANSFORMED by the love of Christ as we were!  There is HOPE and RELEASE in the power of accepting Christ as your Savior.  Believe me, it changed me in 2011.  My life was forever changed, immediately.

If your eyes have been opened why wouldn’t you want to share this incredible news with friends, coworkers, family members, strangers?  Trust me, it isn’t always the most socially acceptable position in society to discuss matters of God and spirituality.  It is uncomfortable because we think, what if they think we are weird or if they become offended?  Trust me, the truths of God offends people because we are not doing what we are supposed to be doing and somewhere deep within us we know it!  Even after we are Christians we constantly go through this back and forth.  HA!  

So, as we are going through our day, in our safe little Christian bubble, let us think about those whom God loves just as much as He loved us.  He is pursuing them, just as strongly and just as anxiously as he pursued us.  Yes, the person shooting up, the person snorting, the person cheating on his/her spouse, the alcoholic, the child/spouse abuser….all of these people,

Unfortunately, we Christians see the SIN before the BROKEN child of God so many times

The worst of the worst can be transformed by the love of Jesus.  Their lives can be changed and be a testimony of the Glory of God.  It is not our burden or responsibility to change them, that is the Holy Spirit’s job. Loving them, showing they are valued by our actions and words, turning them towards Jesus by the words of our testimony – personal touches of God’s precious goodness and grace – That is our burden and our responsibility.…. If everyone in the world held God’s greatest commandment as the center of their lives, how different our Earth community would be.  There would be no murder…..because we love our brother/sister, there would be no abuse, rape, stealing….because we love our brother/sister, there would be no sex trafficing, drug abuse (no one would sell it)……because we love our brother/sister…..there would be no “enter any tragedy or ailment” here against mankind and it would not be if 100% of God’s creation loved our brothers/sisters.  

So let’s be a remnant….let’s wake up and do what God asked us to do.

Wake up church, our hurting world needs the truth of God’s grace and mercy.

Jesus replied: “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

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My Journey from Wicca to Truth – Pt. 1

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As I was driving to work this morning, I was worshiping in my car and asking God to tell me what to share today.  There has been a lot going on in our family which, if I know anything, means that we are on the right path.  When I started writing this Blog, I knew God would eventually ask me to share some of my personal journey and pray that the person(s) who needs this will read it by the Holy Spirit’s direction.  In His name, by which I can do nothing apart from, Amen.

**DEEP BREATH**

Our family was, I mean IS, meant for great things.  I didn’t realize this as a child or even through my young adult life.  You see, our family has been marred by spiritual attacks as far back as my Grandfather, probably even further but my family never shared family history very well so I can only speak on what I have been told by my Momma and my Aunt D.

My maternal Grandfather was a musician.  He loved to sing and worship the Lord.  He played guitar and my mom would tell me about how she loved to listen to him sing and told me about the band my Grandfather was in for a time.  My Grandfather wanted to serve the Lord.  The sad part of his story is that he suffered and was attacked with severe depression and FEAR.

The reason that I say spiritually attacked, is because God tells us in 2 Timothy,

“For God hath not given us the spirit of FEAR; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Now this is not a post on medication vs. prayer, or chemical imbalances vs. spiritual attack.  BUT…I do believe that with PRAYER, God will lead you to the appropriate treatment through faith, and this may or may not include medication.  I believe that God is the Great I AM (physician, counselor, insert anything here) and He will guide you if you depend on His wisdom.  He does not forsake us.


Now, back to my story.  😉

Back in the 1950’s they did not talk about depression, they did not treat depression, and they certainly did not understand it.  My momma remembers attending the local pentecostal church in rural Arkansas and my Grandfather being filled with the Holy Ghost. She also remembered my very conservative Grandmother not being amused in the least by my Grandfather’s outward expression to God.  My momma loved God from a very young age.  She said that she would worship and sing to God.  But you see, what worked on my Grandfather, moved to the next generation link in the chain.

My momma suffered with severe anxiety, depression and FEAR.  She later recalled how she would lie in bed and she would feel something in her room.  That in fact, regularly for a time period, she felt something crawl into the bed with her and she lived in constant fear that this “thing” would come back.  Now some would say this is a child’s imagination running away with them, but my mom lived in the 1950’s before there were any “demonic” images or videos or games or TV shows for that matter.  People in the 50’s did NOT talk about demonic possession or what that would appear like.

Later in my Momma’s life, her parents threw in the towel.  They divorced.  I don’t know what exactly happened to cause the divorce. My Grandmother may have been completely justified in divorcing my Grandfather.  You see, this in itself is an attack from the enemy. His goal is to steal and destroy what God has meant for your life and by breaking down marriage vows which are promises before God, and breaking apart the family this is destruction.  The divorce in the 1960’s was extremely shameful for my momma.  She recalled being full of shame.

After the divorce, my Grandmother became part of a religious cult.  I use the word cult after many years of asking God about the salvation of this group since many in my family were part of it.  It is a “works based” faith and is driven by FEAR.  You see that is one of the Devil’s most handiest tools….FEAR!  It works great on us.  Especially, on those who do not have a strong relationship with Jesus and are feeding themselves with TRUTH!

This was the case with my family.  The cult that my Grandmother took my momma and her younger sister to, preached God, believed that Jesus was the Messiah, but didn’t stress the importance of a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus.  In fact, later I realized that they do not preach that Jesus was the Son of God!

A fundamental TRUTH to salvation!  How does the cross work if Jesus was not the SON OF GOD?!?

The spiritual attacks on my momma continued into her young adult life, into her marriage and into her early years as a mom to us children.  She took us to the meeting place as children, we walked after church to “earn” our place in the kingdom.  She lived in fear that we were not doing enough.  We were shunned because we played with “outsiders” and were friends with “outsiders” which drove my momma’s depression and feelings of shame/unworthiness to a whole other level.

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My whole childhood I thought my momma didn’t love me.  She NEVER told me that she did.  I am not making that up……she literally NEVER told me from the time my mind can remember up until I was 19 or 20 years old, that she loved me.  She told me often that she didn’t “like” me.  She never said she hated me, BUT that she didn’t “like” me.

You see I was different than my mom.  We couldn’t have been more opposite!  HA!  I laughed, I was energetic, I loved to be around people and was always on the GO!  I was also very opinionated, a leader, and STUBBORN.

How does someone who doesn’t even love themselves, express love to a child that they do not understand?

This was the dilemma for me and my mother.  I know now that she loved me very much but she did not know how to love me.  This was a LIE, that I took a hold of, for my entire child through teen years.  I was like my momma and my Grandfather, I was a singer.  I begged my momma to let me join band, take piano lessons, join Chorus, but she would not let me because she was still living in the FEAR of not doing enough or not following the rules.  You see, the cult she was brought up in, discouraged this type of activity based on the fact that the public schools sang Patriotic and Christmas Songs at their recitals.  So as a child my natural, God Given purpose, my gift, was set aside and I felt completely empty.

My life was also “defined” at this time, by the attacks of a sexual predator.  This was done by a family member, someone I trusted and loved very much.  That person took the weakness of not being “loved by my mother” and used it to their advantage.  This went on from the 6th grade until the 8th grade.  My entire Middle School age.  The most difficult time of a child’s life.   My relationship with my mom at the time deteriorated even further because she “allowed” me to be a victim and I almost blamed her MORE than the predator.  She of course was being taken deeper and deeper into depression because of what was happening.

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At this point, I walked completely away from God.  

I didn’t know it at the time, but my mother continued to pray and read the Bible in her alone, private time.  I never saw my mom actually read the Bible but it was always out when I can home from school as if it had been read.  We children were not going to church, our parents did not have Christian friends, and we were not being taught the Word of God.  We were wandering around without direction.  Without a moral compass and the only representation of Jesus and God was a JUDGMENTAL, SHUNNING, UNLOVING, HYPOCRITICAL version of a collection of FEAR DRIVEN Christians.  I did what I wanted at this point.  Any destructive behavior I could get into I did.

I guess this was the 80’s/90′ kid version of cutting.  Destroy myself because I am not worthy to have the love of anyone.


There was a spiritual war waged on my life.  The Devil knew about me and I think that he possibly knew the plan that God had for my family for generations that he was able to thwart and destroy by lies.  You see, God had a purpose for me and my life.  HIS plans will always come to pass.  The GREAT I AM has a plan for all of us and the Devil is ready to try and steal it by putting awful, terrible, Job-ish trials and tribulations or temptations in our life to trip us up!!  Anyone who has come out the other side with God can vouch, give me a high-five, yell a testimony themselves.  You see because God uses even the bad things to bring GLORY to himself and so that we RECOGNIZE WHO HE IS for HIS GOODNESS once things are revealed to us.  I am who I am now because of Him and looking back HE NEVER LEFT ME!!

Be Blessed.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

– Jeremiah 29:11

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Hope after Loss

Hope after Loss

Last night my family “lost” a very important person in our lives. Our grandpa. I say “lost” in quotes only because I know where he is, he isn’t lost. Our grandpa loved Jesus with all of his heart, just a smidgen above his best friend of 72 years, his sons and daughters (you see there are no “in-laws” here), his grandchildren (all 4), and his great grandchildren (all 5). He will be so very missed but I am standing on the promises and truths that my God captured Him as he moved from this world into the one he was truly meant for. So with tears of missing him, mixed with tears of joy, I say with so much love,
“Anyone can be a dummy, just act like one. – Grandpa Kori” XOXO

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Such Love This Is For Me….

Such Love This Is For Me....

My mind cannot get around the amount of love that Jesus had for me as He agreed to die on the cross. You see, He had the power of God to change His mind and allow us to be forever separated. I mean, that is what we deserved! But the depth of my Saviors love is so deep, I cannot comprehend it and for that I surrender and serve Him with my whole heart. Not because He demands it but because my heart is given to Him because of His mercy and grace. Mercy and Grace that I cannot repay.

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