Ok, I am gonna keep it real today….I love Jesus with all of my heart. I reach for the fruits of the spirit. I desire to be those, but let’s face it….sometimes my flesh just rears its ugly head and I am so NOT a Christian. I just unzip and step outside of my “Christian Skin” and behave in a way that I wish my cross pendant was hidden from the world.
It was one of those days that I was so far from Christ in one moment. I am not talking: I gave a dirty look, or said a small dirty word. No, I was so much flesh it was embarrassing to the max. Lest I digress, let me explain.
My oldest daughter had gone to the store with me for a grocery run. A working full time, wife, mommy, chauffer, cook, maid, errand runner, etc…I had no time for nonsense. It was a nice enough day, we were enjoying each others company very much. We were running here and there in the rat race of Saturday traffic. We were in and out of several busy stores, waiting in lines and weaving in and out of the myriads of cart pushers. Some were kind and considerate, some were mean and nasty. We took no notice of them as is normal for us….NORMALLY.
This day was definitely NOT ending NORMAL for these easy going, no worries peeps. I was to change all of that with a big, fat, FAIL. We loaded up the truck with all of our goodies, jumped in and made our way to exit the parking lot, which had a one in and one out for 1 million people an hour. Stay with me. I was trying to make it home before my ice cream melted and my milk became warm. I just wanted someone to let me turn left in front of them, so I could get into the turn lane when the light turned red…you are not going anywhere when it is red. I have been sitting here patiently for 3 light turns…..
WONT SOMEONE JUST LET ME IN!!!
Finally, there was no one coming into the lot from the main road headed south, there was a small lag for me to turn left into the turn lane to go north, so I make my request known by inching across the right lane and got my front end (I couldn’t straighten out) into the left turn lane.
OH PLEASE GOD, DONT LET ME BLOCK THE RIGHT LANE FOR ANYONE COMING IN!
As the light turned green, for us to go, my heart is pumping because I am just about to be able to straighten out in my lane and move forward. At this exact moment, a driver comes from my left side and tries to nudge me out and keep me in the middle of the street like the top of a “T”.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!??!! I look at him, he looks at me….
- I cant go anywhere because he is blocking me now that he thought he could go first
- There is a car coming into the lot that I am blocking
- There is a car on the right of him which is jammed in so he can’t fully whip around me
- I cant back up because there is someone at my prior stop sign who is trying to do the same thing I was
And then it happened…..the one thing that will *%#%)@ me off more than anything else.
Are you kidding me? ARE YOU STINKIN’ KIDDING ME??? You’re a first class JERK that just won’t let a lady out and you are beeping your horn at ME?!?!?!?! Ok, this is where my Christian skin zipper came down. I flipped him off. No wait….that doesn’t really describe it.
I SHOVED my 15 year old back into the passenger seat with my hand (the g forces knocked her out for 5 secs), my lips became a snarled up mess, and
DOUBLE FISTED BIRDS
came flying out. My middle finger grew 3 feet long…there were middle fingers flying everywhere. Not once, not twice but middle fingers went up and down for what felt like an eternity; I yelled and screamed, said some choice words. I had temporarily lost my mind. 😦 I’ll admit, it felt good for a minute. I hadn’t flipped anyone off in about 10 years. Then I heard my baby say,
“Mom, your embarrassing me.”
I came flying back into my Christian Skin and zipped that baby up. I don’t even remember how the traffic jam fixed itself. I was so ashamed that me, a representation of Christ for my kids had behaved that way. ULTIMATE FAIL.
So as I repented in my mind and we drove home, I asked God to please help me explain to her about my behavior. This was during a time when we were in a spiritual desert. I talked about this briefly in my post Paralyzed by Obedience. So this made it even worse. My kids were falling away from their faith and I am a big, fat, HYPOCRITE.
So as God always does, He reminded me of something very important and I was able to share that with her on our way home that afternoon. He has given me opportunity to share this same wisdom a few more times and I think it put Christianity and Jesus into perspective for my kids. Many times children fall away from their faith because their parents (leaders, teachers, friends, enemies, acquaintances, men on TV) were “Christian”. It is the only representation they have. It isn’t because they hate Christianity, it is because they are mistaken about something.
YOUR PARENTS (insert here: Friends, Aunts, Grandparents, Acquaintances) ARE NOT THE STANDARD….
We will never measure up. We are sinners and fall short of the Glory of God over and over. If you are holding Christianity to the standard of Christians, you are going to lose faith, or worse never consider Christianity, and feel that it is all just a bunch of hooey.
JESUS IS THE ONLY STANDARD
His character as written in the Bible is the only standard. We, as Christians, try to reach for that but we will never reach it. We are a work in progress. We are fallible, we have failures, some of them are very bad. We are hateful, jealous, prideful, self-centered….because we are not Jesus. One day, everyone that accepts Jesus as their Savior will reach perfect wholeness. When Jesus comes back for the church and we are fully restored and given a new body, we will be perfect as we were intended to be.
But until that day, know that I am not and will not ever be the standard for God, thank God.